Sometimes I’m jealous of the ladies circle
Knowing I’ll never fit in that tight-knit group
I dream of walking in on their special meeting
Sitting in the corner, with a fork in my soup.

I remember kindergarten like it was yesterday
Standing in the corner of the gym
Watching other children dance and play together
Unable to be a part, so to honor Him.

I know those memories haunt me still, 
When I’m in a new place.
I want to stand back, withdraw from the crowd.

And dreams that wake me from a fitful sleep
Are about embarrassment
My voice that is just too loud!

Lord, help me to give in to the me that is You,
To push past my urge to run at the door,
To know that you’re my safety, my hiding place — 
But in this world You want more.

And when I enter the uncomfortable zone,
You’ll be with me, sharing Your grace,
And those I fear that may be looking at me,
Will look past my flaws, and see Your face.

Jane 2012